It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
