I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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