I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Randomize
