i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
