Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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