yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
