I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
