cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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