i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
