dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
