ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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