I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
