I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the condom got lost in my hair
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Randomize
