it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
