Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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