Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
