I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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