dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
