Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
even my farts smell like vagina
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I have tasted many bathrooms
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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