Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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