You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
