so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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