I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
