I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
