I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
