Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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