he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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