new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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