Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
