Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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