The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
