Dude my mom stole all your condoms
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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