the day after is always just damage control
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
