ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize