i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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