pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize