i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize