this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
