i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
