I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize