No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
