You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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