I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
