hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
