Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
