Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
What changed your mind?
Being sober
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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