that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Randomize
