Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
