You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
