Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
