thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
