Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
