I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
