your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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