So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
