I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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