i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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