I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
