This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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