Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
