I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
