Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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