just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
