so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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