then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
