At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize