I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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