ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
zippers are such a cool invention
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
