Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
