apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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