that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
