He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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