She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
