If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
