One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
