Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I want to make a zoo with you.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
