Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I puked a lego.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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