so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
