They should really pass out barf bags in church
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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