Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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