brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
