The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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