That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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