...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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